“I live for little moments, like that…”

June 22, 2008 § Leave a comment

Tonight was the exact reason why I LOVE music, why I love this industry, why I love my job, and why I KNOW I am so incredibly lucky. Today was the best day I’ve had in a long time, and I’m not able to sleep in fear I’d find out this is all nothing but a dream.

We left the hotel, headed to the venue, got in, hung out, made sandwiches in the boy’s dressing room, then they had a two hour rehearsal where I just sat and took pictures the entire time, laughing around. After rehearsal we had way too much time (4 and a half to be exact), Jordin had a meet and greet, she got ready, then there was more joking around. Once they hit the stage, the crowd went INSANE! It was ridiculous… the most ridiculous crowd I’ve seen in quite a while, if not ever.

Tonight made everything worth while. I sat on the side of the stage, with the biggest smile on my face, so proud to be spending every day with these great people. Jordin and I have gotten really close in these two months, and I’ve gotten really close with the guys as well. It was so hard to say goodbye to everyone tonight, even though I know we’re going to be seeing everyone again on Wed. It’s just, when you’re with someone everyday for two months straight, you get attached. As annoyed as I get by them sometimes, I know I will miss them everyday as I’m sitting at home alone. 😦

I know I just posted a blog this morning, but I felt so strongly about tonight’s show that I felt it needed it’s own blog to explain it. Tonight was definitely one of those moments I’ve etched into my mind for the rest of my life.

In a few short hours, I’ll be heading to the airport on my way home… it’s all so bittersweet. I know this first experience is over, but I know that there’s another coming up again very soon. (Which I can’t really talk about yet… but I promise I will soon, as soon as I get the okay to!)

I absolutely love these pictures, so I thought I’d share a little bit. I think these are too amazing to be lost in the jumble of my 3,000 pictures on my photobucket… so enjoy!

Much love and music,



“Dreaming of things so impossible….”

June 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

“Everything’s felt like a dream and I don’t want that feeling to go just yet.”

I can’t believe it’s all almost over. There’s so much I want to say, but I’m an idiot with words. I’ve sat down to write this blog so many times but I just couldn’t find the words to describe the way I feel. My mind is going through so many emotions that I’m beginning to not recognize left from right. So, I’m writing this at 4 in the morning, while Jordin and I sit in a tiny, super hot room, doing our laundry at our hotel room after having a midnight dinner/breakfast at Denny’s.

If you know me real well, you may have wondered at one point why all of my screen names/user names are always the same, in one way or another: “So Impossible”. When I was younger, I was a big fan of Dashboard Confessional. There is a line in the song where Chris Carabba says, “do you do you like dreaming of things so impossible?”

I don’t remember the exact moment that I realized what I wanted to do with my life, but I do know that for some reason I always thought of it as an impossible dream. I remember telling people I wanted to work as a tour manager or a publicist and having them look back at me with this sad look on their face, as if they were feeling sorry for me, as if they knew I was going to be let down.

Well, my entire life I’ve been dreaming of things that are “so impossible” and I’ve come to realize that maybe it’s not all as far off as I’ve thought it was. So when people continued giving me that sad look, I smiled back and said, “just watch me.”

Right before I left, I was going through a hard time. I had a lot on my mind, most that I won’t share with you. This amazing adventure couldn’t have come at a better time. Right before I left, I got a fortune cookie and my fortune was just what I needed to hear: “No one is standing in your way anymore, it’s time to move forward.”

Well, as we’re nearing the end of this great adventure… I don’t know how I should feel. I am excited to be coming home to be able to sleep in my own bed, to see my best friend, sister and family whenever I want, to be able to drive my little lovely car (which I am almost done paying off!), to be able to drive down Sunset Blvd and the 110 whenever I want, and even just to be able to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean again. It’s gonna be a great feeling to be home.

There was a time in my life where I was so infatuated with a boy that I wanted to spend every aching moment with him. Every time we were together I wished I could freeze those moments and put them into little bottles to keep whenever I wanted, to be able to remember what it was like to kiss him, or have him put his hand in mine. One day he told me about a time when he thought to himself, “I’m going to remember this moment for the rest of my life” and has. I try to do that a lot. The other night at our last show of the As I Am tour at Madison Square Garden, as I walked out on stage to set out the waters and towels, I decided to do what everyone’s been telling me to do for a while, I got up on stage and looked up and took a look around at all the faces peering back at me. It took me a second to take it in, but it was breathtaking, to see all those people, all eyes on you… it’s terrifying.

If I’ve taken anything away from these two months of being away and on tour, it is to realize what you have while it’s yours, love with all your might, sing as loud as you can, dance with everything you are, tell everyone you care about that you love them every chance you get, because you never know what day will be your last.

Well… I’m off to bed. Tomorrow’s our last show before heading home on Sunday and I need to get some sleep.

Much love and music,


“I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy-tales.”

June 5, 2008 § Leave a comment

“It’s a powerful feeling having thousands of people screaming your name just to hear you sing a song, to feel the pressure of ten thousand watts of sound pulsing at your back. The adrenaline rush of being onstage is too great to describe, it’s a feeling that gets into your soul.” – Billy Ray Cyrus

It’s a strange feeling watching someone else’s dreams come true right in front of your eyes, to see the stars in their eyes as they sing along or dance like maniacs to their favorite songs. The other night I got completely overwhelmed and realized how lucky I am to be getting paid to travel the world and do something I love.

It’s all so surreal still. I’m with Jordin from the minute we get off the bus until the minute she steps out on stage, and then after as well. I’m the one in the dressing room, singing to Mariah Carey or John Mayer with Jordin, helping her get her hair, makeup and outfit ready. I’m the one who walks out onto the stage, before everyone goes on stage, and puts their stage towels and waters out. I’m the one backstage with everyone, laughing, dancing and taking pictures until they all walk out onto the stage. I’m the one in the crowd taking pictures of my friends on stage, the one who still giggles when someone spots me watching in the front and waves.

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to get paid to go see one of my favorite bands. I’ve loved Foo Fighters for years, and I’ve seen them quite a few times. When I heard they were coming to the Forum, I knew I had to go. It made me smile when Dave Grohl said how excited he was to be headlining the Forum because when he was a kid his first concert was at the Forum. It’s amazing how things work out.

A wise man once told me to never be impressed by anyone, famous or not, because in the end, they’re just like me. He couldn’t be more right. Yes, some of these people might be making A LOT more money then I am, but in the end, they go to sleep and wake up just like everyone else. Doing all these things makes me realize so much more that celebrities are more then just that, they are extraordinary people, which (if you think about it) is not much different from you and I. 🙂

Much love and music,


“Take my breath away”

May 28, 2008 § Leave a comment

“Life is not measured by moments, rather by moments that take your breath away…”

I know I’ve been constantly saying that my life is a crazy whirlwind, well… that’s a bit of an understatement. If you could see my every moment, you’d be amazed. Since I last wrote, we’ve done 13 shows. When I first started this, my intentions were to write every day, but life got in the way and here I am, writing my second entry 1 month into the tour.

The tour is going great, I love everything. At the beginning, I was so scared and lonely that one day, I seriously considered packing my bags and going home. I’m so glad I didn’t, because now, I can’t tell you how much I’m having. From going out in the rain in Kansas City and running in the rain with Jordin and Karen, our tour manager, having a dance party on the bus on our way to Houston, going to a club with Jordin and friends – being completely VIP, dropped off in front, getting walked into the club straight into the VIP section, wandering New Orleans beginning at 430am and ending at 5pm, adventuring to Orlando from Tampa, to getting escorted into Miami Beach by 10 police in our tour bus, because of the madness.

It’s been a nonstop adventure and I’m absolutely loving it. I cannot tell you how much fun I’m having, I almost forget to miss home. To make everything so much better, my two best friends are flying out to Boston in 10 days to see me for 3 days! I’m excited beyond words! 🙂

In the mean time, I’ve started a photobucket, so I could share my pictures with everyone who wants to see them. I gave everyone on the bus the password, so everyone else will be uploading their pictures as well. I’ll give you the link one I figure out everything and make sure everything is organized. 😉

Much love and music,


“A picture is worth a thousand words…”

May 13, 2008 § 2 Comments

“I’d like to stay here just like this, it’s just a momentary bliss…”

To tell you the truth, my life has been a non-stop whirlwind for the past few weeks… before I left, I was an emotional mess. I would constantly be thinking about the things needed to be done before I left… I began having anxiety and I was so emotional about leaving that I would break down crying at the drop of a dime. Yes, I’m an emotional girl, but it’s never been to that extent. I’m just so overwhelmed, this is all so unbelievable. Stuff like this doesn’t happen to average girls like me. I’m so unbelievably grateful. This is the life I want, I am 20 years old living my dream. This is only the beginning…

I left on April 29th for Minneapolis, had a show on the 30th. I was a bit nervous, because I had missed my flight to Minneapolis, had to pay to get on another flight, and since I was coming in late, I had missed the van to the hotel, and I had to get myself a taxi to the hotel alone… it was mess, but I did it! So, the morning of the 30th, I came downstairs for our lobby call time and realized that I didn’t know what anyone looked like! Then I saw Jordin and her mom in a corner, introduced myself, found the bus, and met everyone. Right off the bat, everyone was already like a family, having known each other for a few months. I felt a bit like the odd one out, but they made me feel right at home fairly quickly. I will spare you all the concert details that night, but here’s some pictures from that night. I was gonna write a lot more, but I’ll post the pictures from all the other shows later…


Much love and music,


“Every once in a while, you get a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

May 5, 2008 § 1 Comment

“Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it all…”

I’ve always been in love with music. (It’s no surprise, right? I think I’ve made that quite clear…) I used to always tell my mom, “I want to travel the world… but I wanna get paid to do it.” Well, a few weeks ago, I got the opportunity of a lifetime. I got offered a job to go on tour with Jordin Sparks, Ne-yo and Alicia Keys. I would be working as Jordin’s wardrobe assistant, hair/makeup/wardrobe. I was supposed to leave the next week, but ended up not leaving until the 29th of April, because Jordin was having some vocal problems and we had to postpone the first 8 days of the tour.

So far we’ve been working together almost a week, and I cannot tell you how much fun I’m having. I left last Tues, played a show in Minneapolis and Kansas City, flew home on Friday, filmed Jordin’s new video Saturday, then had a show last night (Sunday) in Anaheim. There’s another show tonight at the Staples Center, then we’re off to San Diego and a million other places… We’ll be touring for the next two months. (I’ll post the exact dates when I get a minute…)

I can’t even begin to tell you the feelings I get while being backstage, on the side of the stage, or even just for the minute when I have to run onstage before they go on and put their towels out for them. The first night, I was so nervous I couldn’t even look up. It’s beyond exhausting, but this is what I’ve been looking for… This is the life I love and I cannot believe I am living it.

So, with that all being said, there are a dozen people who asked for me to update them while I’m on tour…. this will be my official tour blog. I don’t guarantee I will be able to write in it every day. There is so much more I want to say, but I have to get to packing… I’m leaving in about an hour and still have a lot to pack. There will be many pictures to come as well!

Much love and music,


What is a life without music?

January 29, 2008 § 1 Comment

As long as I had something to listen to, I could blur the things I didn’t want to think about, if not block them out completely.”- Just Listen, Sarah Dessen

What is a life without music? To me, it’s torture. I cannot and do not want to even imagine a life without the pounding of drums, bass and guitar. Recently, someone asked me, “Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Immediately, I answered, “Blind… there’s no way I could live without music.” I say it all the time, but music is my world. I don’t know what I’d ever do without it, I don’t even want to imagine. Then I wonder… will I ever have to?

Past generations made music into this incredible thing that brought every one together and that everyone could enjoy. (Thank God for that!) In this day and age, music has become something different, it’s about something more. When back then you were sort of stuck into genres, now you can listen to pretty much anything you want. It is your choice, no one else’s. Music has become so available and so diverse that even your biggest metal junkie might have a slight taste for Justin Timberlake, or your pop music queen may even be into Marilyn Manson. In this day an age, you never know.

When I was in CO visiting my sister recently, we went to see The Bravery. During the show, her friend and I began looking around at all the different people. Have you ever gone to a concert and looked at people and thought to myself, THEY LIKE THIS BAND?! I saw old men, young kids, teenybopper girls, and guys who looked as if they were too cool to even be in the same building as me. It made me wonder, music is so incredibly diverse, but it has become something that ultimately brings everyone together.

I adore music. I’ve adapted the motto from my favorite book, which is why it’s at the top of this blog. When you’re friends with someone, and they’re going through a hard time, do not think or judge… Just listen.